How Often Do I Find Myself Unwilling to Forgive Because of My Pride?

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Whether I like to admit it or not but much of my problems spring out of pride. Why do a lot of quarrels happen? Pride. Why do a lot of fights never get reconciled? Why is it that until now that the Middle Eastern countries are still launching attacks against each other? Why are the unsaved Jews still hating the unsaved Arabs and vice-versa? Once again, it's the sin of pride. I just keep thinking about the issue of why I tend to fall into states of unforgiveness. The big issue that causes the root of unforgiveness happens to be pride. Out of pride comes a sense of entitlement.

I remembered I was asked why was I mad with so and so. Why am I still harboring feelings of resentment over something as trivial as an insult? Why am I wishing somebody dead over something trivial? Why would I rather take the law into my hands than to leave it to God? Why am I choosing not to let go and let God handle stuff while I do my part? In short, my answer has to be like, "I won't feel any satisfaction until I punish him or her myself! If I let them go, they will continue to do it to me!" It's almost like saying, "God is so slow. I will teach Him a thing about justice!" as if I'm perfect and He isn't. Then I think of Job getting rebuked by God at the conclusion of the former's trials. God allowed Satan to hurt Job for a good reason. Do I even forget that Satan needs God's permission to do wicked against the saints first? 

Even heathen philosophers understood the problem of seeking revenge and its consequences. Confucius though an unbeliever said that you might as well dig two graves if you want to take revenge. Gautama Buddha also taught that revenge is for the weak and it takes strength to forgive. Some of the best pagan teachers also taught that revenge is a cycle that never ends. They may be heathens but they sure got that part right. Jesus who is the eternal Son of God taught it also. Matthew 5:47 has Jesus saying, "Don't even the Gentiles (which is translated as pagan in other translations) do that?" We have pagans who still live by such principles. The command of the Christian is to rise above the pagan. The pagan does good works in hopes of getting their self-salvation. The Christian rises above the pagan by doing good works as a result of salvation. If some pagans can understand that unforgiveness is a road to death then why should the Christian fail to apply it? It's because of pride once again. 

My pride has to be injured because it always comes before destruction (Proverbs 16:18). I thought of a lot of stupid stuff I did like answering back to unjust authorities (rather than respectfully turning them down), holding a petty grudge for a very long time, physically hurting somebody (such as a slap or a punch) all because of my injured pride, or even threatening to do bodily harm or murder over something really trivial. David fully understood it in 2 Samuel 16:10 that he was being humbled. David was repenting of the pride that led him to commit adultery and murder in 2 Samuel 11. Also, if God punishes then I have no right to take delight in my enemy's fall (Proverbs 24:17-18). It just reminds me of how I ended up not giving in to temptations of revenge knowing it's not going to bring me anywhere. Nehemiah didn't plot revenge against his enemies. Instead, Nehemiah just continued to do God's work that was needed of him to do.

The real issue once again is pride. Pride is always seeking to stroke one's ego. Sure, pride feels very good. Satan himself is the ultimate example of pride comes before the fall. Isaiah 14:13-14 has the downfall of the King of Babylon compared to Lucifer, the son of the morning. Lucifer means Day-Star or Morning Star but he is just another morning star. Revelation 5:5 has Jesus as the bright and morning star. Jesus on Earth showed humility while Satan showed pride. If there's any reason why Satan wanted worship from Jesus - it's ego. Satan led the rebellion in Heaven all because of his pride. So if I'm having a hard time forgiving then I need to keep in mind (by God's grace) that it was Satan's pride that got him kicked out of Heaven to start with.

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