I Find It Difficult to Love My Enemies Without God's Grace

I can't deny this fact that it's hard for me to love my enemies. I want to love them because I want to please the LORD, I pray for them but it's not easy to do so humanly speaking. While it's possible to have a certain degree of being forgiving from an unsaved person but it's not genuine. That forgiveness was more likely a repression of one's hate rather than giving it up to God, forgiving the opponent afraid you won't make to to Heaven rather than forgiving because God has already forgiven you. 

I won't even consider genuine forgiveness an intellectual exercise for this reason. I tried to forgive many people based on intellectual exercise and it only grew into a massive grudge. The reason can be found in this timeless truth:

John 15:5 - "I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing."

Outside the power of Christ, I can do nothing. Before I was saved, I have no real power against sin. When I got saved, I have that power but never outside the grace of God. Why did I mention the grace of God? Here's why: 

Titus 2:11-14 - "For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."

I don't dare believe that I got saved and God left me alone to fend for myself. Otherwise, my changed life would be for me to boast. I have nothing to boast about my changed life because it's God's grace. The timeless truth about saving grace is this:

Ephesians 2:8-10 - "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

That means there's nothing contributed to the fact that the Christian does good works except that the person does good because of a changed life. The same goes to why forgiving my enemies is by the grace of God. Inwardly, the old me always tells me that I must get even. The problem that I when I refuse to forgive can be summed up with this ugly sin: PRIDE OF LIFE. Satan and his demons are not the only spiritual enemies but also one's own sinful self. The sinful self doesn't want to forgive. There's always something about revenge that's tempting. It's because people don't want to swallow their pride that's why they keep on the path of vengeance instead of the path of forgiveness.

When I think of it that I don't want to forgive, the new me wants to forgive. It's a battlefield from within. I consider Satan as my dangerous enemy. Any demon is my dangerous enemy. But the worst enemy I have is myself. But thanks be to God that I can prevail over myself because He is gracious and sin is overpowered only by His grace. So that's why Jesus taught in His prayer to pray to God to forgive our enemies. When I ask God to forgive my enemies then He teaches me to forgive them in return. Beyond that, I'm just going to fall into the same vengeful cycle all over again.