My Constant Struggle to Love My Enemies and to Pray For Them That Persecute Me

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Whenever somebody hurts me, I always have two thoughts in my mind which are to (1) love my enemy, pray for the person, return evil with kindness, or (2) get even and have my revenge. The problem was that when I was newly saved, I struggled with it and I foolishly tried to trust my flesh of arm to save me. But the problem of the flesh which is greatly said when the Apostle Paul mentioned his struggle with the flesh:
Romans 7:18 - For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

If there's nothing wrong with the flesh, why should I even trust it? All its "good works" are just dead works. Some people think they've forgiven the person but all they did is to merely suppress that grudge instead of truly forgive. The flesh wants to be satisfied and trying to fight it by suppressing that hatred for a person who hate me is just delaying my wrath.

I remembered being told, "If you have a hard time loving your enemy, ask God to love that enemy and He will help you." How true. The problem that I have is pride. Pride is all about me. The middle of pride is the letter "I". Remember how Satan fell down? Isaiah 14:12-14 has Satan repeatedly pointing to himself with "I will... I will..." every time he talked about trying to overthrow God. The same pride was used to describe the King of Babylon who was soon to be overthrown. When I refuse to forgive my enemy it's because my pride is there. It's all about the pride of life.

My pride always has me saying, "I should get even! My pride is injured! I'll make that person pay for what he did to me! I'll show him! I will punish him myself if God won't." The new man driven by the Holy Spirit says, "No! Don't do that!" God's grace is the restrainer to why I haven't acted on my temptation for revenge. The moment I get out of God's grace is the moment I act upon my impulse towards people who have wronged me. I know it hurts but Jesus suffered all that hurt He didn't deserve so salvation can be obtained. It was only by God's grace I could settle a fight I had with someone when I was newly saved. It was only by God's grace that I struggle with unforgiveness and decide to drop my pride because He forgave me and I don't deserve any of it.  

In truth, the Apostle Paul gave advice which he quotes Proverbs 25:22 and Deuteronomy 32:35:
Romans 12:17-21 - Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the LORD. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Even if I am called not to fellowship with the world but that doesn't mean I have the license to be a Pharisee or to shout, heckle and hate people who are lost in sin. I have no license to sin and being a Pharisee or to be quarrelsome towards people lost in sin are still sins. I may not be living like the rest of the world but I'm already sinning by simply being a Pharisee whenever I start comparing myself with others who hurt me. You can rebuke evil without loving but you can't love without rebuking evil.  The fight against evil is not against the unsaved person but the demon that controls them. Only God has the right to be the final judge. I'm called to judge people's actions as right and wrong but I have no right to become the final judge. 

I even felt why God doesn't allow revenge is because it's a never ending cycle. I do it, you do it, that person does it and the cycle keeps going. There's really no closure and it's not justice. The issue is very personal instead of social. Death penalty is not state endorsed revenge but the state's duty to defend the citizen. It's not think about the family of the victim but it's about think about what could happen to other people if evildoers aren't punished according to offense. 

Besides, I should instead take this comforting thought when I'm ready to blow up:
Matthew 5:11-12 - Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

It sounds crazy for me to rejoice when I'm accused falsely by people who don't know me. But there was one encouragement. I heard how the late Charles H. Spurgeon told a new preacher to rejoice about the false accusations instead of fretting about it. It's hard advice to talk but that's what the Bible says. It's a call to rejoicing. It does sound crazy but remember that James said:
James 1:2-4 - My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

It had me thinking it doesn't make sense even if I keep gathering theological knowledge, even if I give my tithes and offerings for the LORD, even if I love giving to Christ's work - if I'm ignoring the weightier matters which includes mercy:
Matthew 23:23 - Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

If I just keep having a lot of Scriptural knowledge but I fail to love my enemies and pray for them then I'm no better than a Pharisee. It also should be the reality that without love any greatness that I may show won't mean anything if I don't love my enemies and pray for them that persecute me.
1 Corinthians 13:2 - And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

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