How Often Have I Sung "Amazing Justice" Instead of "Amazing Grace"?

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I remembered reading the book "The Holiness of God" by Robert C. Sproul Sr. and one of the words that amazed me was how often a person sings "Amazing Justice". The lyrics can go this way:
Amazing Justice cruel and sharp/That wounds a saint like me/I'm so damn good it makes no sense/That Tower fell on me

When do I feel like singing that song instead of Amazing Grace? It's when God allows bad things to happen to my life while the wicked are allowed to prosper. I always feel like every time I fall down, God always gives me a spanking while the wicked sin and sin and they are hardly punished. I could say that justice is slow. I even feel like justice delayed is justice denied when that's not always the case. Yes, justice should not be delayed when it calls for it but sometimes justice. Then I think about Psalm 73 where David talks about his envy for the wicked.

How often do I envy the prosperity of the wicked? I can't count the number of times I have displeased God by envying the prosperity of the wicked. That should be displeasing for the fact that the prosperity of the wicked is temporal. Some wicked people today have all the attention of the world, the love of the world and all the money in the world but that's all temporal. I thought about how so many wicked people die and they die without Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. By doing so I'm questioning God's sovereignty to why He allows the wicked to prosper. 

I thought about how many times have I ended up insulting God by refusing to forgive the wicked for their wickedness against me. How often have I been tempted by unforgiving thoughts to keep hating the person especially if they are not saved? Do I feel hatred or do I feel sympathy for my false accusers and those who persecute me? I even ask myself how many times I have said, "But that person doesn't deserve forgiveness!" when I don't deserve even a drop of forgiveness from God Himself. In that area I have failed to keep in my mind that when Jesus died for me I didn't deserve any of them, I fail to see that He didn't answer back when He was insulted and He took all that trash called sin so I could be forgiven. If He did it why can I show that love to others who least deserve it because I also least deserve it?

If I refuse to forgive then I'm already attempting to usurp God's court. Who am I to really say somebody doesn't deserve forgiveness when I don't? By refusing to forgive it means that I am letting arrogance to take over and I'm taking the law of God into my hands. When I claim to deliver judgment on the wicked then I'm already claiming to be God when I'm not in one way or another. Revenge is not for me to deliver but God's (Deuteronomy 32:41, Romans 12:19). When I take the law into my hands and decide to "execute justice" then I'm going against God's sovereignty. He has a set schedule for all offenses so why should I go ahead of it? If going against set schedules can have consequences in the temporal how much more am I not considering the eternal consequences?

It has me thinking of the problem of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-22). Humanly speaking, what the prodigal son did was unforgivable. Many times, I find myself in the position of the Pharisee and the elder brother. The prodigal son arrived repentant yet the older brother doesn't want to accept him back. I thought of the part when the elder son grumbled about his father not giving him a goat to celebrate. How often do I find myself in the position of saying that I've served God faithfully and yet why am I suffering? Then again how true is the statement that I've served God faithfully when I find myself in lapses every now and then that gives God every right to punish me (Hebrews 12:5-7). The older brother thought that he should be celebrated. What he didn't see is that there should be great celebration when somebody truly repents of their sin. 

It has me thinking of this in Matthew 5:45 that the sun rises and the rain falls on both the just and the unjust. I always feel like God is unfair when He allows disasters to hit both the wicked and the righteous simultaneously. What I feel to see is that I don't need fairness but mercy. It wasn't fairness that got me saved. I don't deserve forgiveness and salvation. I also fail to see that if the righteous are destroyed by calamities isn't it a good thing to be free from this sinful world? Death for the believer is a promotion but death for the unbeliever is eternal demotion into damnation. Shouldn't I think that God Himself is merciful and that I was once lost but now am found? Should I instead think if God didn't delay His divine justice then shouldn't I be thankful about that?

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