Why I Find Myself Leaning Towards Calvinism
The Christian life can change after so long, right? I was thinking of how I subscribed to fundamentalism or how I ended up dumping Chick Publications and Jesus-is-Savior (along with other conspiracy sites) after more than ten years. So, I thought about how I actually did support some Calvinist preachers, I still honored John Calvin as a hero even when I rejected his idea of unconditional election and limited atonement. I also love reading the works of Charles H. Spurgeon even when I disagree with his historicism and Calvinism. I was more on the quasi-Arminian. I can't consider myself Arminian because Jabocus Arminius believed you could lose your salvation. Well, I did use to believe that you can lose your salvation not every time you sin but when you finally decide to stop trusting Jesus and go back to your error. However, part of me also said if you're truly saved then you can't go back to that error. It was a struggle with eternal security. Now, I find myself struggling with the doctrine of eternal security at the viewpoint of the Calvinist. Then I find myself getting more inclined to Calvinistic tendencies one way or another.
I grew up in a secular school, went to a Baptist school, and I made this observation about the students. How many people grew up in a Christian school environment but were never saved. Some started early as nursery or kinder, they finished high school in that Baptist school but were never saved? The message of salvation was preached at every graduation baccalaureate and graduation ceremony yet they are not saved. I was thinking about how some graduated in a Baptist school and still remained unsaved. I knew someone graduated high school from a Baptist school but later converted to Taoism. One was a Buddhist, attended youth fellowship on Friday, but later re-converted to Buddhism. There are also many people who you preach throughout their entire life but never got saved. I was thinking of dead relatives of mine who were preached to before I got converted and died unsaved. Some of them heard the message many times during the graduation services of their children and grandchildren. Why are they not saved even after they were preached to? Then I thought of the verse in Matthew 22:14 that says many are called but a few are chosen. Even more, Jesus said in John 15:16 that Jesus told His real followers that He chose them and not the other way around. John 6:44 says no one can come to the Father except that the Father draws them to Jesus. Yet, I still felt that I chose Jesus. These days, I feel Jesus chose me instead that's why I could understand the Bible. If Calvinism doesn't explain why only a few of my schoolmates got saved. Any schoolmates of mine who got saved were saved with God choosing them and not the other way around. A friend of mine studied in a Catholic girls' school from late elementary to high school but ended up becoming a Christian later on. Just like the Apostle Paul had no Christian background then Jesus chose Him to become the missionary to the Gentiles. I don't remember Paul choosing Jesus but rather Jesus choosing Paul instead on that road to Damascus.
It doesn't matter how much I try to show the Bible yet the person doesn't get it. Why should the person get the Bible? That person is not saved and only misquotes it. It's because the Bible is spiritually discerned. Others get to see all the evidence for God yet they never believe. Other atheists see the evidence and believe. I would really say that the doctrine of election is starting to make more sense to me as to why not everybody believes. Not to mention, Revelation 18:4 taken into deeper context with "my people" may refer to the elect of God still stuck in the Roman Catholic institution. I would really say that Calvinism may provide a clearer picture as to why not everyone responds even if they were given the Gospel as nicely and politely as possible. Though this doesn't mean Calvinists should be quarrelsome but still be nice because they can be a stumblingblock to other elect.