Learning More About Calvinism and Election Helps Me Have a Lower View of Myself

The whole idea of Calvinism seems repugnant. I remembered years ago, I admired the Protestant Reformation, I saw some useful insights from John Calvin but I felt like the whole idea of Unconditional Election was really "unjust". Years later, I dropped the Independent Fundamental Baptist theology in favor of Reformed Theology. What also got me to think more about Calvinism was that many heroes of the Baptist faith were Calvinists. Preachers like Charles Spurgeon, Jonathan Edwards and John Gill were Calvinistic Baptists. The writers of the 1689 Baptist Confession of Faith were Calvinists. While not every great preacher was a Calvinist and I still respect non-Calvinist Christians as part of the family in Christ. 

I'll admit there's still a lot of my list of verses that really try to convince me of being chosen instead of me choosing God. The more I read through the King James Bible (which was also translated by Calvinist scholars) as a follower of the principle of KJV Only, I really am still convinced of these following verses:

• Matthew 20:16 - "So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen."
• Mark 13:20 - "And except that the Lord had shortened those days, no flesh should be saved: but for the elect's sake, whom he hath chosen, he hath shortened the days."
• John 15:16 - "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you."
• John 15:19 - "If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you."
• Acts 9:15 - "But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel:"
• Acts 22:14 - "And he said, The God of our fathers hath chosen thee, that thou shouldest know his will, and see that Just One, and shouldest hear the voice of his mouth."
• Ephesians 1:4 - "According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:"
• 2 Thessalonians 2:13 - "But we are bound to give thanks always to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth:"
• 1 Peter 2:9 - "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;"

The more I look at the doctrine of Calvinism especially with the writing of the Apostle Paul, I really felt like, "I don't remember Saul choosing Jesus at all!" There was no reason to choose Paul by human standards when he was still Saul. He was a murderer of Christians. He blasphemed Jesus. But then Jesus chose him to be the great missionary before the Gentiles. That's really a doctrine of grace to how it's all God's work. Saul's transformed life was not at all his work and 1 Corinthians 15:10 has Paul declaring, "But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me." Reflecting that I believe because I'm chosen makes me think, "Man, I was so wicked that only divine intervention can change me."

Also, how can it be possible that it that this is a license to sin? If God chooses people, He doesn't call the qualified. Rather, God Himself qualifies the called. He knows your mistakes and everything so He works by His grace to make people live better. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 shows God's magnificent grace that redeems people from a lifestyle of sin. If you're truly saved it's God's saving power and not our own. I really refuse to take credit for my good works and changed life. It's God who does the changing and not the sinner. Sinners have no power against sin unless they are in the grace of God. 

As of late, I've tried reading through John Calvin's "The Institutes of Christian Religion". But before that, I've had more Calvinist manuals by John F. MacArthur and Robert C. Sproul while listening to the sermons of Paul Washer and James R. White. It's been a crash course in Calvinism but it's definitely helped me see, "Without Christ, I am nothing."