I Once Hated Reading the Holy Bible Because It Knew All About My Sins

I remembered having gone from a journey from Roman Catholicism to becoming near agnostic after a crisis of faith. Back when I was a Roman Catholic - the Bible just didn't matter to me because:

• I had a priest who would guide me in spiritual matters and only he was "qualified" to interpret it.
• There was the "infallible" council who was supposedly granted immunity from doctrinal error by the Holy Spirit. Of course, the Pope himself couldn't be wrong about doctrine, right?
• Studying Roman Catholic doctrine was of course more interesting to my carnal mind than the Bible back then.

So why did I hate the Bible? Why did I hate having Bible classes when I got into a Baptist academy a a Roman Catholic? If I could summarize it, it's because "I hated the Bible because it knew all about my sins." The Bible is very offensive towards the lost sinner. After all, who wants their sins named one by one and evaluated before them? One always wants to have an illusion of righteousness over the ugly reality underneath it. 

Then I remembered becoming nearly agnostic and doubting God. I stopped going to Sunday masses because they no longer made sense. My dysfunctional family and relatives were getting more dysfunctional even if they kept going to Sunday mass. It didn't matter anymore how much I prayed to my "Mother Mary" - I got too disgusted that I stopped praying her. I prayed and I prayed to "Mother Mary" yet she never answered my prayers. 

I remembered how I got even more disgusted by one Psalm at first. It was Psalm 34. I even started to think that David must be a lunatic for citing that he will always praise the LORD at all times in the first verse. I was even disgusted at the Book of Job when Job said that we can't expect good things all the time. All of this just didn't make sense! I really whined too much about my problems. None of those made sense back then because of a degenerate mind and heart. 

Then one thing made more sense about God. I started finding it that Jesus never promised an easy life on Earth. I wanted to return to becoming Roman Catholic and work my way to Heaven after my near trip to agnosticism - yet I soon found out that salvation is not for sale! All I needed to do as a guilty sinner was to receive Jesus Christ and He will save me from my sinful lifestyle! The more I read the Bible the more I realize that whatever problems I may be grumbling about - I remember that Jesus never promised an easy life or any sort of "name it and claim it" from your problems. None of the "Pray the Rosary and your family will be okay." Instead, the warning was be faithful and you may even be disowned by your family!

If there's one reason I love the Bible now - it helps me to understand and seek comfort when God allows trials for a reason that I can't see. I soon started understanding why David praised the LORD at all times - he saw the purpose of God allowing affliction. Job understood everything why God allowed his suffering. God has a purpose for letting Satan afflict the Christian. I soon realize that if bad things are happening and God is letting Satan attack me - He's got a wonderful plan for eternity! It's not about me having all of my selfish desires. Rather, he allowed Satan to attack me because I did something wrong and I have unconfessed sins. He really is a jealous God who wants His people not to stray away from His presence and into danger!

Right now, the Bible for me is the most wonderful book. I couldn't look at it the same way when the scales fell off my eyes. I soon started reading it based on a plan then I started reading more of it more and more. There's the Bible - God's Holy Word! I always felt that my old sins kept coming back to control me but there's the struggle. I realize that if my old sins keep holding me back it's because I'm not in constant fellowship. I'm glad that God has His purpose and power to chastise me. The Bible still convicts me of my sin yet I couldn't stop reading it because of the new man. The Bible knew about my sins. Galatians 3:24 says that the Law is the schoolmaster. Thank God for His Law that points sinners to Christ by shattering their self-righteousness and showing them their sin!